Temporary bliss
by XxXSecretLoveXxX
Summary: Just a little Swan Queen story, told by Emma's point of view. It's a little smutty. It's a little after Emma found out Regina was the Evil Queen, but she can't fight the attraction so she finds herself pulled back into the queen's arms and bed.


Temporary bliss

I take one look at her. The sun, kissing her skin, making it glow. I don't dare to do it again. I know I don't need much, and neither does she. We have so much history, her and I. And at the same time we don't know each other at all.  
>I know her body by heart, and yet, I don't know her. The real her. There isn't much between us, we don't talk… But what we have… I could never escape it. It traps me and it holds me down, draining me of every feeling, every emotion, leaving only hate in its wake. Hate for what I do… For the fact that I need it.<br>I feel a hand on my shoulder. The lightest of touches and I close my eyes shut. I know she's looking at me and if I return it, if I dare to gaze in those eyes I'll be lost once more. But she's not one to give up easily.

- Look at me. – I hear her say and I force my eyes open to meet hers.

- Don't do this! – I beg. It's week and helpless, just like me.

Her hand moves to my cheek. She doesn't have to say anything. We both need this. My weakness is staring me in the face and I give up. Just like before. Like always.  
>One small nod from me and we leave.<br>We walk in silence. Why would we talk? Why make it harder on both of us? The less we know, the better we feel about ourselves.  
>A key, turning in its lock brakes the silence and it cuts through my soul like a knife, because I know this place all too well. It's where she lives. There is a moment before I walk in where she gives me a chance… To walk away instead. But it's too late now. She's right there, the promise of pleasure and bliss written on her face. I wouldn't say "No" to either. I could fight it, maybe leave, but why? She makes me feel alive. I know it's filthy and sick, but it's all I have. And I won't let it go. I can't… So I make the final step inside and she smiles. She wanted me to stay. Victorious once more. Well… Not yet, but the rest is a formality at this point. We both know I won't stop there.<br>She takes my hand and guides me. She knows the pain that's eating me away all too well. It's what she feels too. That's why we're so good for each other. This thing we have… It fills the void in both our hearts. In that huge room, filled only with a king-size bed I feel safe. Nothing will harm me here. No phone or computers to distract us, nothing that can be held as a reminder of the world outside. Just us.  
>She let's go of my hand and starts to undress slowly. It's distant and impersonal and I hate it. This could be anything we want it to be. Outside we're strangers, but here… In this room we could mean everything to one another. And yet isn't this what we want? We are liars, her and I. We fake emotions and smiles, we put on a show for everyone to see. Every day, every hour, every time we're not alone, we're also not ourselves. But here we don't have to hide. In so many ways we're alike. So we know…<br>If you could take off the mask… Consequence free… Would you do it?  
>We're bare in front of one another. Not just our bodies, but our wounds, our souls. We're connected. Maybe we don't know facts, but we know people, and we know how to see through them. That's why we're such good liars… And also why we don't talk.<br>So I reach for her and put my hand around her waist. The closer I get to her, the less this matters, because the heat of her body and the feeling of her skin are all I need. This isn't about love, it's not even about sex. It's about feeling something. Anything.  
>She wants so much from life, she's ambitious, she craves everything the world has to offer. But she would leave it all behind and let it wait… For me. Because only I can give her this.<br>As I kiss her she pulls me in, opening herself, inviting me to take her. She's so ready and wanting, and I hate that too. I hate it that she enjoys giving herself to me. She undresses me hastily and I close my eyes again. She'll see it otherwise. All that pain that I try so hard to hide. And I hurt… Because I can't open myself for her, I can't see all her beauty, I can't appreciate her fully.  
>I feel myself falling, my back hitting the mattress, and then I feel her body over me, her breathing shallow, and a devilish smile on her lips. All reminders that she has needs of her own. I always wondered if it was the pleasure she needed, or was it a way of getting something else.<br>It doesn't matter. The feeling is overwhelming none the less. At least we're not alone. And the exploring hands and an awaiting body are enough. They have to be.

- Take me. – I whisper. And she doesn't wait a single second.

She slips her hand between our bodies… And I actually spread myself more. Her eyes go darker, lust slowly taking control, pushing everything aside. It's maddening how much I like it. It drives me crazy that I can't resist it. It makes me want to scream… So I do everything I can not to make even a sound.  
>Her fingers are relentless, pumping into me with a force and speed I know she can't sustain for long, so I enjoy it till I can, nails digging into soft flesh, marking their path with the hatred that fills me. And she pushes her fingers deeper. It fuels my need. She has more to offer and I want to take it all… But it's more than that. She wants to give it to me.<br>Desire. It's inside her every look, every touch. It drives her. And right now it fills me. Relieving the burning, bringing calmness and contempt.  
>Being wanted… It's a special feeling. It makes you demanding. Always looking for it, craving it again and again.<br>I feel her face moving away from mine, placing fast, open-mouthed kisses on my neck, my collarbone, the valley between my breasts…

- No! – I growl it and pull her up. – Don't you dare.

My eyes burn with the threat I try to hold back.  
>I can't let her do this. Yes, I want it, and yes, it will feel so good. But I can't let her do it. It's way too intimate, it's affection, it's gentleness and I can't handle it at all. It's bad enough that I need her. I can't let myself have feelings for her as well.<br>My words make her angry. She knows why I'm fighting her and it pisses her off, because I'm running from the thing she wants me the most for. So her fingers punish me, pushing me slowly to a wanted edge, just to keep me there. And I don't think I'll survive it. My back arches and I feel the strain on my spine. I can't even breathe anymore. Waiting on her mercy.  
>Kisses on my neck again, on my jaw line, on my ear…<p>

- Cum for me, my beautiful girl. – Her voice is husky and the words soft, her breath is hot against my skin and I would be mad at her is she didn't speed her movements up, making me do as she said.

My body shakes and I can breathe again. I could almost feel time freeze, the world and everything inside it disappearing.  
>I could get used to that.<br>But it fades as fast as it came and I can sense her next to me, drawing lines on my body with a smile… There's that intimacy again.

- Don't call me that. – I breathe out.

Then I climb on top of her… Hands embracing me, holding me close…  
>The kiss is fierce and hungry, almost possessive. She enjoys it. I hate it. The damned feeling is in my every move, in the way my eyes drink her body, even as I take my first taste of the skin of her neck.<br>She closes her eyes, she doesn't want to see it. It hurts her, and God, I hate myself for doing this to her. But that's the problem, isn't it? That admission. I hate myself. And I can't fix that. But I can fix this… Make her feel better.  
>I try to be gentle as I touch the sensitive skin of her most intimate parts and she gasps. More kisses, more contact… God, I feel like I would burn alive. It's too much, too painful. I'm too close. But she loves it. Her hands on me feel like hot coals and I moan with her.<br>And then I feel it. She's close. There's only her right now. Her pleasure. She pulls me down and kisses me, and her lips are like sizzling oil against mine and we both shake.  
>Just a little longer. I want to stop, I want to move away, but more than that I want her orgasm. Orgasms. I want them all. I want to see her shaking, begging, slowly breaking and falling apart underneath me.<br>There's a part of me that wants to walk out and never come back. But this girl is mine. Not because I touch her, but because she wants it, because she gives herself to me. Only me. And I see the spark in her eyes, responding to my calling, giving an unspoken answer. "Always." … I know she's mine. But I want to claim her one more time.  
>As she finds her release my mind goes almost blank. She feels good. It's what I wanted, wasn't it? And then there's the familiar feeling. Not hate. Bliss. This place, this bed, this woman… That's why I can't let them go. It's my temporary bliss. And it's more than I've ever felt before… And I hate it. Because of her. Because it shouldn't be with her. <p>

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><p><strong>Sooo... That is it. My first Once story. I don't usually mix angst and smut, but it felt right when I finished it. <strong>  
><strong>Please let me know what you think of it. <strong>  
><strong>You should also know that it's my first story in English. It isn't my first language and I'm truly sorry if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes. <strong>

**I truly hope you enjoy it :)**


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